Funny stories & jokes (Mega Thread)

[lig}{tning]

Much like the funny image thread, funny video thread this one is for funny stories.
Reason for me to make this thread is some of us here in KWWH are working hard, hard time in personal life, working hard on coding ect.
Am sure this thread will make you relax a bit and make your stress relief.
I am going to try to update on daily basis so keep your eyes open for this Mega Thread.
Your are more then welcome to share funny stories in this thread.

Most important thing is i am just sharing funny joke stories from net.

Enjoy the post

lig}{tning Reviewed by lig}{tning on 11th Oct 2011. Funny stories & jokes (Mega Thread) Much like the funny image thread, funny video thread this one is for funny stories. Reason for me to make this thread is some of us here in KWWH are working hard, hard time in personal life, working hard on coding ect. Am sure this thread will make you relax a bit and make your stress relief. I am going to try to update on daily basis so keep your eyes open for this Mega Thread. Your are more then welcome to share funny stories in this thread. Most important thing is i am just sharing Rating: 5

[msk19994]

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

LOL Lawyers Love To Screw

[XxX]

ROFL...

Last story is KIck ass !!

[lig}{tning]

Couple In Their Bedroom
A couple were in their bedroom and the girl says to her boyfriend, 'I wish I had bigger tits'. The boyfriend says 'well what I recommend is to get some toilet tissue and rub it between your tits for 2 months'. 'How will that help to make my tits bigger?' asks the girlfriend.
'Well it worked for your ass' says the boyfriend.

------------------------------------------------------------------------
Newly Wed Couple
this newly wed couple were on there honey moon and where about to have sex:

wife: before we do this i have something i have to tell u.

husband: we're married now, u can tell me anything.

wife: i'm flat chested.

husband: i don't believe u..prove it.

So she takes off her shirt.

husband: holy shit i never seen a smaller chest, but i have something i have to tell u too.

wife: we're married now u can tell me anything.

husband: im "weighed like a baby".

wife: i don't believe you, prove it.

So he takes off his pants.

wife: i thought u sayed u were weighed like a baby?!

husband: i am 6lbs 7ounces!

------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jumping Blonde
A blonde, brunette and a redhead run to the top of a burning building. Below, a few firefighters are holding a blanket telling the redhead to jump.

When the redhead jumps the firefighters snatch the blanket away and she hits the concrete.

When the firefighters ask the brunette to jump she jumps and again they pull the blanket away.

When the firefighters ask the blonde to jump she replies, "I don't trust you, so just put the blanket down and back away."

[dljawed]

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, ?Harry, what?s your problem??

Harry answered, ?I?m too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I?m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd
... grade too!?

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal?s office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: ?What is 3 x 3??
Harry: ?9″.

Principal: ?What is 6 x 6??
Harry: ?36″.

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, ?I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade.?

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, ?Let me ask him some questions.?

The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, ?What does a cow have four of that I have only two of??
Harry, after a moment: ?Legs.?

Ms. Brooks: ?What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?? The principal wondered, why would she ask such a question!
Harry replied: ?Pockets.?


Ms. Brooks: ?What does a dog do that a man steps into??
Harry: ?Pants?

Ms. Brooks: What?s starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval,
delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?
Harry: ?Coconut.?

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.
Ms. Brooks: ?What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky??
The principal?s eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the
answer.
Harry: ?Bubble gum?

Ms. Brooks: ?What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs??
Harry: ?Shake hands.?

The principal was trembling.
Ms. Brooks: ?What word starts with an ?F? and ends in ?K? that means a lot of heat and excitement??
Harry: ?Firetruck?

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, ?Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong???

[wrestledld]

hahahahahahahahahahahahah... ok let me read this shit

[innocent_kid]

LOL

[lig}{tning]

Bus Ride
A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver said, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."

In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus.

The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.

"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.

The man sympathized and said, "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers."

You're right," She said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."

"That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."

------------------------------------------------------------------------
Its Natural
Three girls walk into a bar; a brunette a red head and a green haired girl. The bar tender asks the brunette how she keeps her hair so brown.

The brunette combs her hands through her hair and says, "It's natural it's natural.

Then the bar tender asks the red head how she keeps her hair so red. She combs her hands through her hair and says, "It's natural, it's natural.

Then he asks the green haired girl how she keeps her hair so green. She sneezes into her hands, combs her hands through her hair and says, "Its natural, its natural."

------------------------------------------------------------------------
10 Husbands, Still a Virgin
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

[msk19994]

@dljawed That Thing Made My Day

[dljawed]

@dljawed That Thing Made My Day

LMAO..................